All Alone in the World
by Ratt9
Summary: Watari is dead...how will L react? Does anybody care about him now? NOT YAOI. Breakdown fic. A bit O.O.C.


I wrote this while I was literally half asleep. That's why the writing is utter crap. This sorta/kinda loosely takes place in the "L Change the WorLd" movie environment, where only Watari dies and L doesn't, but honestly, I didn't really know what the hell I was doing while writing this. This is not yaoi... This is O.O.C and will probably suck, but I don't really care. Enjoy!

To L, Watari was his constant. He was always there when he needed him, always there when he needed him but didn't even know he needed him. He was his support, his guidance. His reassurance. Nothing could go wrong with Watari by his side. Watari was the father he never had.

And that's why it hit L so hard when Watari died.

His death had been caused by either Kira or the Shinigami—L wasn't sure which. He had died alone…and now L was all alone in the world. He had no one he could trust or rely on or turn to.

Even surrounded by Matsuda, Soichiro, Aizawa, Mogi, and Light, he felt like all the loneliness in the entire world was crashing down on him. He sat in his chair, shaking. He had known Watari for 17 years—since he was eight. L's heart ached and threatened to shrivel up. He was in absolutely no mood to work on any case at the moment. Which was very unusual for him.

He had hardly said a word a word to anybody since the funeral two days ago. In fact, he had hardly made a sound since Watari's death.

Soichiro, sensing L's utter lack of motivation to continue working, suggested, "everyone…I think we should call it a night."

Everyone else seemed to understand too, and they all left until it was just L and Soichiro. L eyed him carefully.

"I…I'm so sorry about Watari, Ryuzaki," Soichiro told him. "I…know he meant a lot to you."

L just gave him a blank look and nodded. Then he turned his head and stared out the window, out at the city lights that lit up the black sky.

He hadn't given any indication as to whether or not he wanted the chief to leave, so Soichiro simply stayed, also staring out the window in silence.

After a long while, L spoke, almost inaudibly. "I did my first case with him at age eight." Soichiro looked up. "Are you at all familiar with the Winchester Mad Bombings?"

"I followed along with it on the news, but I had no involvement in it," Soichiro replied.

L just nodded. "That was my first case. It's also the first time I met Watari. He helped a lot with the case. After that he took me in and raised me." L didn't know why he was being so open with this man. Perhaps, he decided, he just needed someone to talk it out to.

Soichiro didn't know what to say.

L dropped his head down. "He…was like a father to me…he never hesitated to help me even though I did nothing for him in return…" He gripped the sides of the chair to stop himself from trembling.

"I'm sure you did plenty for him, without realizing it," Soichiro said, trying to be reassuring.

L gave Soichiro a small, sad smile. "Maybe. Though it's my fault that he died."

"Don't say that!" Soichiro exclaimed, causing L to look up. "You are not to blame for this! If you are going to blame someone, blame Kira."

L looked off into the distance and muttered, "Everything is influenced by everything around them. Nothing is ever caused by just one person. Things are caused by a string of events. I am the one who got him involved in the Kira case in the first place. So therefore it's…my fault." This time he couldn't stop himself from trembling.

"…" For not the first time that night, Soichiro didn't know how to respond.

"I've…never solved a case without Watari by my side…it feels so lonely…he was all I had…"

Soichiro felt horrible for the young detective sitting before him. Soichiro thought back to how it had felt when his _own _father had died.

"I wonder…now that Watari is gone…will I still be able to solve cases? I've never done it without him. Maybe…I'll just…not be able to." He looked more depressed than ever.

Suddenly L looked up, as if he realized something. He said, "I'm…sorry I am acting this way…it's very unprofessional of me. I am aware that I am losing my composure, and I apologize."

Soichiro shook slightly. L was apologizing for grieving the loss of a deceased loved one? "…Ryuzaki, it's nothing to be sorry for. It's a human thing to do," Soichiro informed him.

L gave him another small sad smile and said, "Yes…but can I really be considered human? Am I not just a tool to the police? If I were to die right now, no one would miss me. They would simply miss my services. Watari was the only one who valued me as a human being."

Soichiro couldn't say anything to this because once he thought about it, he realized it was probably mostly true.

"When tools break, people discard them and they get replaced. When I am of no more use to the police, I will be regarded as nothing. No one but Watari ever thought of me as anything more than a tool. I will…I will just be…" L cut himself off in mid-sentence as his voice cracked, and without warning, he was suddenly crying. He let himself fall to the floor and curled up.

Soichiro felt a sharp jab of sadness. He got out of his chair and knelt down next to the detective. L's thin frame was trembling uncontrollably as he sobbed. His arms were wrapped around his legs as tightly as he possibly could.

Soichiro hesitated for a moment but then wrapped his arms around the man. L buried his head in Soichiro's shoulder, unable to stop the tears from flowing out. In his grief, he gripped the sides or Soichiro's shirt so firmly that his knuckles turned white. Soichiro held the detective tighter.

Soichiro searched for the right words to say, and mentally scolded himself when he could find none.

_Come on_, he thought, _the man is young enough to be your son! What would you do if this was Light?_

"I'm sure you would be able to figure it out, just like you always do." _Gah! That didn't make any sense!_

L just continued to shake and cry. The only thing Soichiro could do for the man was hold him and let him cry it out. After a while his sobs quieted and L stilled. The insomniac was asleep for the first time in days.

Soichiro carefully picked the detective up and carried him to his room. He placed him on the bed and covered him with a few blankets. Soichiro sighed, still shocked at seeing such an emotionally strong person being reduced to tears.

L, a light sleeper, was awoken by this simple action. He opened his eyes and looked up at Soichiro.

"I'm grateful," he said, "that you were here." He pulled the blankets back over his head and Soichiro turned out the light.

Just before drifting off and getting some much-needed sleep, L smiled a very small smile to himself. Although the pain resulting from Watari's death was intense, he didn't feel so alone anymore. There were people who cared about him. People who thought of him as more than just a tool. People who were willing to comfort him. People who cared enough about him to carry him up three flights of stairs at two in the morning.

And because of that, the pain of Watari's death lessened, if not by just a tiny bit.

How was that? Loved it? Hated it? Felt nothing? Tell me! :D Review! Thank you for reading. ^ ^

-Ratt Kazamata


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